


But if they had made it to the boat, if they had

by mathildia



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 19:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mathildia/pseuds/mathildia
Summary: I have feelings about S08E05 (spoilers)





	But if they had made it to the boat, if they had

He has to sell his hand in Pentos.

Of course he does. They are living under different names, covering their golden hair, of course he has to get rid of the hand. And letting his right hand go doesn’t hurt quite as much as the first time. Not when the money it fetches pays for a house with a garden full of lavender. 

This is where he will grow old.

*

He thinks the birth will end her. And it almost does. But she is a lioness that will not relent and die. She lies in the birthing bed, still and silent and there are tears in his eyes before she takes a ragged breath and lives again. The great love of his life.

And they have a daughter. 

She wants to call her Joanna and he says it’s too risky. But they end up calling her Jojo and no one ever suspects. 

Jojo grows. She loves oranges and dancing looks so much like Myrcella, like Tommen, like young Cersei it sometimes makes him catch his breath. He doesn’t see Joffrey in her. He doesn’t look.

*

When his hair goes grey she tells him he looks distinguished, as handsome as their father. But she weeps when her own follows only months later. It has grown long again, but she cuts it short - not wanting to look like ‘that hag’. He kisses her and tell her he loves her more every day. Secretly, he never thought they'd live long enough not to have to cover their golden Lannister hair. 

*

Does any of this really happen? Sometimes he thinks he cannot deserve this life. To escape a city in flames. To be with love of his life and their child. Not when both of them have hands dripping with blood. Not when they are a monster and a man who loves the monster.

Perhaps they are both lying beneath the stones of the Red Keep even now. Perhaps he dreams all of this.

*

She doesn’t get pregnant again, although she wishes for a son. A son who will one day return to Westeros with and army and a claim on the gold of Casterly Rock. He soothes her when her moon blood comes. And again when it stops coming all together. She wishes then for Jojo to marry someone who can cement her claim. There are still lions left alive. 

*

She plans to tell Jojo when she is fifteen, who they are, who she is, how she must claim her legacy. How being born female must not stop her doing what must be done. 

But the evening before Jojo’s name day, he pours her wine. He waits until she is close to sleep, before he puts his left hand to her throat. Her eyes snap open, wide with fear. Like she always knew it would be him.

He has to put his knee up on her chest to do it with one hand, but he chokes her there, in the bed they’ve shared for a decade and half. The greatest years of his life.


End file.
